Bo, 1
12 m · the sofa. Would like to know why you have 47 tabs open.
You left your screen unlocked. Your colleagues, ever helpful, took the liberty of finding you a match. Several, actually.
Time your screen was unattended: 41 s. That's about 1 sheep.
0*
Sheepings to date
Counting yours. Obviously. * Number may or may not be fictional.
41 s
Median time to sheeping
Roughly one coffee refill.
100%
Customer satisfaction
Among the sheep. We didn't ask you.
0
Goats on the platform
We have standards. Sort of.
Profiles are sorted by proximity to your desk. Everyone here is verified, woolly, and better at locking their screen than you are.
"I stepped away for 30 seconds to get a coffee. When I came back I had 14 replies in General and a new relationship status."
"Honestly, the profile they wrote for me was more accurate than my LinkedIn."
"Baa."
Walking away takes zero keys and costs you your dignity. We run mission-critical platforms for a living; an unlocked laptop is not a good look. The sheep agree.
They're all waiting for the next one. Don't let it be you again.